Living and Dying in 3 Quarter's Time
by Kaccee
Summary: James saves Lily from herself and others...she has to save him back
1. Invisible

Invisible

With tears in her eyes, 15-year-old Lily Evans stormed out of the house into the December wind. It's not like anyone would even notice her disappearance. Ever since her dad had left four years ago she had been thoroughly ignored by her mother and sister. Her mum thought it was her fault that Jonathan Evans had left and Petunia still despised her for being a witch.

"Why do they have to hate me?" She asked herself in a whisper. "Why don't they even notice me?" She wasn't just talking about her 'family'. But the people at school as well. 

"Who are the popular people?" She wondered…counting off names on her fingers. "James, Sirius, Remus…Peter is because of the other three…Elizabeth, Janice, Nini, Dawn and Lolitta." She scoffed at the last name. Lolitta, 

'Her parents must have been high or drunk when they named her'. She thought. 

"How many words have they spoken to me? I know that Nini and Dawn are in Ravenclaw…but Lolitta, Janice and Elizabeth are my dorm mates. The most the 'popular group' has ever said to me is probably 'Get out of the way.' The rest of the time they don't even notice me…nobody notices me" A tear slid down her face and froze on her cheek. It was cold outside, unusually cold for Christmas Eve.

"That's it." She said loudly. "I'll kill myself. They won't even notice, so it won't make a difference, but how to go about doing it? I could take a bunch of pills. No…they have spells at school that stop you doing that. I know I can't do it here…I have to do it somewhere were I'll be found and at least get buried." She jumped up on the pick-nick table and faced the harshness of the wind.

"I'll slit my wrists and go into the bath tub in the prefects bathroom…perfect solution." She slowly walked down to the deck and opened the door to go inside.

Four days later on the 28th of December, Lily was going to catch the train to Hogwarts. She took the bus from their home to Kings Cross Station because her mother wouldn't have driven her anyways. She struggled slightly with her trunk because it weighed almost twice as much as her slight 100 pounds. None of the people even looked up at her…she was invisible, she'd always been invisible…and she was good at it. Going through the barrier she saw the train was just about to leave. She ran and threw her trunk on, as jumped up after it.

Every compartment was full until she reached the last one. Inside was a boy she recognized as James Potter. She had thought he had stayed at school for the holidays but she was wrong.

"Do you mind if I sit here? I couldn't find any other place with room." She said very quietly. But he must've heard her as he nodded his head even though it was turned to the window. She sat down in a corner and pulled out some parchment and her favorite quill. She began to write her suicide note. 

James looked over at Lily, not really noticing it was her that had entered his compartment.

"Who are you?" He asked, pulling her out of her note. She put it in the book she was holding.

"I'm Lily Evans…don't you recognize me?"

"No…should I?"

"It's not like anyone ever does," she whispered bitterly.

"What was that?"

"Oh…nothing…I'm in your year, and not to mention in Gryffindor with you." Her tone was slightly sarcastic, James didn't notice. This girl intrigued him. She was so unconventionally pretty. Not like the anorexic model girls who always hung around him. He kept looking at her eyes, her face, his eyes traveled her whole body and he liked what he saw. Just then Elizabeth, one of his 'groupies' showed up. He noticed that when someone else had come into the room, Lily had seemed to disappear, just blend into the wall. Maybe that's why he hadn't remembered her.

Days later James was whistling his way down the hallways to the prefect bathroom. It was late so he didn't expect anyone to be there. When he opened the door he noticed there was steam on the mirror right across from him.

'Hmm…that's weird' he thought to himself as he walked past the showers, which were all off. When he stepped into the room with the bath his eyes nearly fell out of his head. In the bathtub was Lily Evans. A practically dead Lily Evans at that. He rushed to her side and saw she had slit her wrists. The deep red color of the water was such a contrast to the color of her milky white skin. He was surprised her body was still floating. He jumped in the water, pajamas and all and picked her cold body up, laying her on the white tile, staining it with her crimson blood.

He quickly sealed the wounds with a simple healing charm and searched franticly for a pulse. He was unsuccessful but then, ever so faintly; he felt a slight beating of her heart. 

"Thank the fucking lord!!!!!" he picked up her limp body and ran as fast as he could to the hospital wing. The lights were out and he kicked the door with such force it opened. Madame Poppy Pomfry, the student nurse came rushing to the door. 

"What do you think you are doing Mr. Potter?!" then she saw the girl in his arms and went white. "P…p…put her on the bed at the end of the wing." James rushed her over to the bed; her skin was the same color as the bed, starch white. Only her hair, the dark red hair, stood out against the snow-white sheets. Her lips were slowly turning blue. James was frenzied.

"Aren't you going to help her? She's going to die because of you, just help her!" he was screaming although he didn't notice. Madame Pomfry went beside the cot and closed the screen, James was stuck waiting.

He waited and waited, until all he wanted was answers. He walked up to the Gryffindor tower and into Lily's room. He saw the empty bed by the door. It was made and there was a note on it. He picked it up and began to read:

To whom ever happens to find this letter:

My name is Lily Evans, but to everyone here, I'm a wall. I've never been noticed, all anyone's ever said to me is "get out of my way" I'm considered a freak amongst people who are like me, who are supposed to understand. If that's not enough I'm shunned by my own family. I feel like Cinderella, once my father left I was stuck with an evil mother and demon sister. I am 15 years old and this is my 6th year at Hogwarts. Nobody even knows who I am. Teachers forget my name, I blend into the stone, and I'm like a walking column. I'm fucking sick of it. I didn't want glory and riches, all I wanted was to belong, for once. But that never happened, so on Christmas Eve I decided my fate. I'm sorry for whoever found me, tell them that please. I'm sure it was rather…messy but I knew I wouldn't have the guts to do much else. I could've gone to the dark side and killed my light self, but I'm too pure at heart. So tell my family that I'm gone, thank Professor Dumbledore for excepting me to the greatest school in the world and please thank James Potter…for only the reason that he noticed me. One day on the train, he noticed me and I felt special for a second. I felt like going back on my plan but I knew that my life wasn't worth it and I knew that someone like James could never love or even like a mudblood like me. So goodbye to everyone, remember me, or atleast try.

Life's not about winning, it's about trying your best but when your best isn't good enough, you might be forced to do something drastic.

Lily Jade Evans

A/N ok this was kinda hard to write…lol but I hope u liked it. I just own the plot and my own thoughts that went into this. The characters are J.K.Rowlings, thx for reading, review plz!


	2. Perfect

Perfect

James sat beside Lily, her face was a light peach color and her breathing had returned. He gently pressed his index finger and middle finger to her neck. The pulse was strong and he heaved a sigh of relief. He didn't know what he would've done if she had died. He didn't understand his feelings, but he understood hers.

To some people he was perfect. But he knew he wasn't, he'd never be. He had so much to live up to and he knew he never could. His father founded and ran the UKAB (United Kingdom Aurors Bureau) how was he supposed to beat that? His mother was beautiful and not to mention the most talented animagi he'd ever seen. But that didn't matter anymore. They wanted him to be something he wasn't, perfect.

*~* Hey dad, look at me  
Think back and talk to me

_Did I grow up according to plan? *~*_

After days and days of sitting there with her, his thoughts couldn't move from his parents. They were so flawless and he just ruined the family. He shook his head as his eyes watered slightly. It was strange to think that he, popular, handsome, funny James Potter had the same problems as unpopular, wallflower, muggle born Lily Evans.

'What a world.' He thought silently. His eyes returned to her sleeping body. She still hadn't awoken, and he still hadn't gone to class. Just then her eye lashes started to flutter, his heart skipped a beat when he saw the swirling emerald pools, even if they were filled with confusion, they were the nicest eyes he'd ever seen.

"Hi Lily." He said meekly, very out of character for him.

"What's going on?" her voice was throaty and loud. "Why am I here?" she looked up at him, her eyes were now filled with pain. "Why am I still alive?!" she started to sit up.

"Shh, lay down" he gently pushed her back into the cot. "Take it one step at a time Lils, slowly ok."

"Lils?"

"Look, I found you in the prefects bathroom." She went silent and looked down and her hands, fiddling with the bed sheet. 

"I'm so sorry James. I was hoping it would be anyone but you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well…I take it you read the letter?" He nodded. "Like I said, you noticed me. I didn't want you to have to clean my mess up; I didn't want you to see me like that. I must've looked bloody awful." She smiled weakly. "No pun intended." He chuckled.

"Well Lily Evans it is nice to see you smiling, I haven't seen movement from you since the train ride. You've been asleep for a week and a half. I thought you were going into a coma!" She laughed lightly and yawned. "I should go now, I haven't been to class since I found you, no one else has been in here, and since we're hidden by a screen, no one would know where to find me anyways." Lily smiled bitterly.

"No one's come looking for me? Well that's no surprise."

"Just forget about them Lily."

"Forget about YOUR friends?!"

"MY friends?! Listen to me, ¾'s of those people are not my friends. The only people in the entire world I trust are Sirius, Remus, Peter and…oh never mind."

"No tell me, you've told me this much. And tell me quick 'cause I'm falling asleep."

"I trust you Lily."

~*~ _ Do you think I'm wasting my time  
Doing things I wanna do?  
'Cuz it hurts when you disapprove all along. ~*~  
  
_

Lily sat up in bed and looked at her wrists. The scars were still pretty obvious; Madame Pomfry said they'd get white soon. The screen was gone as she was no longer asleep. The door to the Hospital Wing soon broke open and there was James Potter, cheeks red from Quidditch Practice in the cold. Lily grinned; he was there all the time.

But James wasn't smiling, in his hand he held a letter, and it looked important.

"What's that about James?" He threw it on her lap, she reached for the parchment and she heard him say:

"It's from my parents." Her eyes blurred, she hadn't tried reading yet, and her eyes still hadn't adjusted again. She sighed.

"James I can't read it, please just tell me what it's about. I hate to see you like this." He sat down on the side of her bed.

"It basically says my father thinks I'm wasting my life playing Quidditch and spending time with you." She gasped and suddenly found it hard to breathe.

"Sp…spen…spending time with me?" He nodded sadly.

"They have all these rules and expectations and sure my father isn't against muggle born's…but he wants me to marry a pure blood. He looked into her eyes, which were full of unshed tears. 

"He doesn't want you to be my friend?" she couldn't help it anymore and the tears spilled over. "It's just not fair!" he looked at her sadly and nodded.

"It's not fair at all, they just don't understand."

_*~* And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you_

_I can't pretend that I'm all right  
and you can't change me. *~*  
  
_

James resented his father for everything. But as he left the Hospital Wing that day, he hated him.

'How could he do that? She's a girl, a girl that I'm friends with. I enjoy spending time with her. I get this…feeling when I'm with her. It's almost like we've known each other for years and yet we only met because she planned to take her own life.

I feel like I'm in a prison because of them. They're too many rules to follow and they say the stupidest things…not be friends with Lily pfft, I would never end my friendship with her, she's amazing. One day, I swear I won't take this anymore. I won't listen to him. He can't be my dictator forever. One day I'll be old enough to do what I want to, and be friends with who I want to and say what I want to and prove to the world that I'm not perfect…and you know what? He stop me.' 

James strides became longer and his eyes rose…just in time for him to run into Sirius.

"PRONGS!!!!!!!!" Sirius hugged him so hard he knocked his equipment out of his arms and he couldn't breathe. When Sirius finally let him go, James gasped for breath.

"Sirius I saw you a half hour ago at Quidditch practice."

"Yes but whenever we don't have practice or class you're in the Hospital Wing! Dude, I don't even know why. One would think that one's got a crush on one student nurse." Sirius winked. James laughed, it was nice to talk to his best friend again, but it was also nice to know that Lily wasn't going to hurt herself again. He sighed and looked at Sirius' expectant face.

"It's not Poppy Pomfry Sirius you idiot. It's someone else. Do you remember Lily Evans?" Sirius' face fell.

"That red head who's a total loner?"

"That's not fair Sirius, you don't know her." James was getting defensive and here's where a fight would ensue.

"And you do Mr. I-Know-The-Entire-Wizarding-World-Potter?!"

"Yes I do know her! She tried to kill herself three weeks ago and **I** found her Sirius! I walked into the prefect bathroom and she was sitting in a bathtub of blood, she had slit her wrists. I saved her life and I want to be her friend. I want her to trust me I want her not to feel alone because THAT'S WHY SHE DID IT SIRIUS! BECAUSE SHE WAS ALONE!" James picked up all the things he hand dropped and walked off. Sirius stared after him. 

_~*~'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing last for ever  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and we can't go back  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect~*~_

Lily was finally being let out of the Hospital Wing and she was finally happy. If it wasn't enough to get James as a friend, along came Sirius. He wanted to know all about her, he wanted to understand. Soon after that came Remus and eventually Peter. Lily found herself going from a girl who wanted to commit suicide because she was all alone, to a girl who was enjoying everything she could do now, just because a few people took the time to care.

James smiled when Lily walked into the room. She was finally ok. Her clothes were too baggy, as she had lost a lot of blood and not to mention a lot of weight trying to recuperate. James decided her was going to take her shopping soon. He knew she barely had enough money for schoolbooks, only because her family hated her.

"Guys! Lily's here!" James called up the staircase and Lily heard the thundering down, she laughed to herself and smiled at James.

'She's amazing' he thought to himself. 'I just need my parents to realize that.'

_~*~ I try not to think  
About the pain I feel inside  
Did you know you used to be my hero?  
All the days you spent with me  
Now seem so far away  
And it feels like you don't care anymore. ~*~  
  
_

James attached the note to his owl, Volo.

"Take this to mum and dad, Volo. As fast as you can please it's important." He exhaled noisily and looked around the empty common room. It was late and he'd been up for hours writing the letter to his parents. He told them that they couldn't run his life and if he wanted to be friends with a muggle born or even more they couldn't stop him. He said he just wanted them to meet her and make an opinion on her based on her personality, not on the fact that her parents weren't wizards. He sat down on the couch and awaited the response.

James opened his eyes groggily and noticed that it was morning. There was a blanket over him, an owl on his leg, a pillow under his head, a Lily on his feet. Wait…a Lily on his feet?

"Morning James!" she smiled, he groaned. 

"You are too perky you know that?" she laughed

"I don't remember anyone ever saying that about me."

"And too loud too." He added, receiving a smack on the arm.

"Who's the owl from?" she moved off his feet and he sat up, stretching.

"My parents, most likely." He picked up the letter and read it quickly. "Lils! They want to meet you!" he smiled and hugged her.

"I'm in!" she jumped up to do a dance, he laughed and her pants started falling down. She pulled them back up.

"You need some new clothes Madame." She looked at her feet.

"I'm fine James, I don't need anything really." He could see her blushing.

"Lily, I'm going to do this for you because if you're going to come home with me on spring break, you'd best have some clothes that fit." Lily smiled at him, he stood up. "Now what do you say mah dea'h that we go and have some breakfast?" he gave his arm to her.

"I'd agree with you Monsieur." They both laughed and walked out the portrait hole.  Sirius and Remus looked at each other.

"You know what's going on don't you Si?" Sirius nodded.

"It looks like it's real this time."

"Have you noticed that the sluts don't hang around us anymore? Since Lily arrived we haven't been as…'popular'." Sirius smiled faintly.

"Yea, that's true Remus, but we also have a hell of a lot more fun! Are you ready?" Remus acquiesced and they ran off towards the Great Hall, all ready to streak and make everyone's day.

_*~* And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
I can't stand another fight  
And nothing's alright. *~*  
  
_

"James" Lily giggled. "No I'm not going to buy this I look ridiculous!" James shook his head fiercely, knocking his glasses off his face. Lily laughed harder.

"You do not look ridiculous! I know that my parents are planning on having a fancy affair, they ALWAYS do. Come on it looks fabulous and we're just about done this is our last stop." Lily looked down at the pink puffy princess dress and she started laughing again.

"There is NO way you're going to get me to wear this." She gasped for a breath. 

"FINE!" James said, exasperated. "Try this one." He threw her a simple black dress from the chair beside him.

"I don't even know if it's my size…"

"Just try it on." When Lily stepped out of the dressing room, James' mouth was wide open. She looked fantastic. The dress wasn't low cut, it wasn't short, it was perfect and she looked like the kind of girl his parents would want to meet. He smiled and stood up. "You look breathtaking." She smiled shyly. "Now let me pay for it, leave it on, grab your things. We need to hurry! We're going to miss our port key."

_~*~Nothing's gonna change the things that you said  
Nothing's gonna make this right again  
Please don't turn your back  
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you  
'Cuz you don't understand. ~*~_

Lily looked in astonishment at the house in front of her. It was a mansion; no; more then a mansion it was an estate. The house itself looked at least a hundred years old and it was covered in ivy and the circular driveway was cobblestone. It was nighttime and in every tree was what seemed like little Christmas lights but what were really tiny glowing faeries. She felt her jaw go slack. Everything was lit up and even the stars seemed to stand out more.

"If you're ever planning on having an outside affair, plan it on a night that my mother is having a party. God himself would not rain on Christine Potter's

Parade." She laughed and looked over at him. He looked like he belonged, she felt nervous for she knew she didn't.

"It's cold out here." She shivered inside her coat, more from anxiety then from being chilly.

"Don't worry Lily, you do too belong." She looked at him confused but he just grabbed her hand and started walking towards the immense front entry. 

_~*~'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing last for ever  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and we can't go back  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect~*~_

A/N this was kinda fluffy…mental note: make more happen. Well this was really just a transition chapter. The song was 'Perfect' by Simple Plan. Hope you liked, tell me what you think.


	3. A Little Fall of Rain

A Little Fall of Rain

The warm light made her glow and her smiles just made her ever the more radiant. James sat back and watched her, for what she was. He didn't see the quiet bookworm anymore…he saw Lily…his Lily. Sure they hadn't been friends for long, but in the past few months he had developed a strong sense of friendship…even love for that girl. 

She laughed and his heart leaped. They were just friends and it was all they could ever be. The band started playing a slow jazz type of song. She set down her drink and walked over as if she was floating. The look on her face was ecstatic. 

"Come on James, dance with me!" He shook his head and she, ever so delicately, placed her hands on her hips.

"I don't dance." He said. She laughed and grabbed his hands, pulling him onto the dance floor with her.

"Anyone can dance." He shook his head again and smiled at her.

"I said I don't…not I can't." He winked and she laughed. Wrapping their arms around each other, they floated away in the music.

He knew he'd always remember how he felt that night. How soft her skin had been…softer even than the silk her dress was made of. Sure she wasn't the prettiest witch on the dance floor but she was for sure the only one he wanted to dance with. Over her shoulder he saw Remus Sirius and even little Peter dancing with someone. They all smiled at each other and he buried his face into her hair again.

Lily's eyes were closed and she felt James' hold around her waist tighten a little. She grinned to herself and thought of all that had happened in the past few months, how James had saved her from many things…mainly herself. She took in a silent breath and quietly sang along to the dizzying music.

"And all that jazz…" her voice was softer than a whisper and he closed his eyes and smiled. 

They danced the night away and they both decided the party was a success. They collapsed on a couch in the study laughing together around one in the morning. The party was still going downstairs, but the two of them decided it was time to go to sleep…after a quick stop for some coffee in the study.

"Oh James I'm so glad you invited me!" she grinned and kissed his cheek. "You are really a gentleman on the dance floor." She winked and giggled. He threw a pillow at her.

"Oh shut up Lils." This sent her into hysterical laugher and she grabbed her drink from the side table.

"Here's to heath, happiness, friendship and Sirius getting fucked!" He stumbled to grab his own drink and clink glasses with her. This, however, caused a slight overflow of some champagne, which landed in James' hair. Lily again broke out into laugher and threw her empty glass over her shoulder. 

James heard the smashing of glass and sat up quickly.

"What was that?" he whispered seriously. Lily abruptly stopped laughing and looked at him gravely.

"I don't know." She whispered back in an identical tone. Just then there was a knock at the door. Lily screamed and James hid behind in the closet. Lily didn't get such a lucky chance as her dress was caught on the coffee table. The door opened and Lucius Malfoy came in.

"Hello…what are you doing here?" She giggled and sat down on the couch again.

"I dunno what are YOU doing here?" She laughed loudly at her own joke and Lucius immediately knew she was slightly more then loaded. A plot formed instantly in his head. He knew that Lily was a close friend of James'. He also knew that James was a target of the Dark Lord. 

Smiling seductively he walked over beside her. James, however, was in the closet, on the floor and totally unconscious. The small dark space had made him sleepier and before Lucius even entered the room, he was out like a light. 

Lucius ran his hand up Lily's leg and she instantaneously stopped laughing. She stood up and heard her dress rip, but she didn't care. "Leave me alone Malfoy." She walked over to end of the room and looked in one of the many cupboards for some kind of painkiller…her head was pounding.

"I'll do what I like Mudblood." He stood behind her and roughly pulled her to his chest.

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME MALFOY!" she screamed but knew only James could hear her. The rest of the household was in the east wing. She assumed that James was passed out in the closet…or else he would've helped her already.

"No." Lucius growled in her ear and ripped her dress off. That gave her time to get away from his pawing hands. She reached for the door handle but Malfoy had leapt across the room, pinning her under him. "This shouldn't hurt too much Lily…you might even like it." He kissed her cruelly and laughed when she screamed. "There's nobody to hear you…you can't be saved now." Gathering all her strength she pushed him off her and ran again towards the door.

"JAMES!!!! JAMES HELP ME!" she screamed, hoping to awake him from his drunken slumber.

"You BITCH!" Lucius yelled, picking her up and throwing her to the ground near the window. "You deserve to die!" He picked her up again and threw her against the window. Lily cringed as she heard the glass moan. She knew she would be out the window soon…and it was a two-story drop to the ground. She weakly stood up and tried her hardest to punch Malfoy, but he ducked and pushed her with all his force.

The window crashed and she felt herself falling. Upon landing she got the wind knocked out of her and pieces of jagged glass pushed into her nude back and legs. She had landed, luckily, in a soft bush, but the pain still knocked her unconscious. Lucius smiled to himself and grabbed a drink from the bar. He toasted his action and sat down on the dark blue couch.

In the closet, James had awoken. The sound of the window smashing and Lily's landing scream had even pushed the throbbing headache out of his mind. The only thought he had was 'Lily'. Bursting out of the closet, he came upon a very surprised Lucius Malfoy.

"You fucker get out of my house!" James lunged and was too fast for Malfoy. He punched him and didn't stop until he was certain Lucius was indeed unconscious. Only then did he look out the window. "LILY!" he screamed and bolted to her aide.

When he saw her, he had a flashback of the night a few months ago when he had found her in the prefect's bathroom. Her eyes were closed and her face was expressionless. He picked up her battered body and cried to himself. Rocking quietly beside the pool he cried for Lily…he cried for everything that had happened and he cried for himself. It soon started raining and before long, the rest of the household was by James' side. He softly kissed her cheek and her eyes fluttered open.

"Don't fret, James. Please." She said, trying to smile. "I don't feel any pain. A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now." He smiled at her and tried to help her sit up. "You're here. That's all I need to know. And you will keep me safe" He nodded, tears coming to his eyes. "And you will keep me close." He again nodded. " And rain will make the flowers grow."

He looked at her back and saw all the shards of glass in it. Before anyone could breath he had his wand up and was trying desperately to remove them, one by one. Lily breathed unsteadily and cringed with the sudden pain of the glass. "But you will live Lily, I swear to the fucking god above." She let out a shaky breath. "I wish I could close your wounds with words of love. You're my best friend…I love you so much Lily."

"Just hold me now, and let it be, James. Shelter me, comfort me please, that's all."

"You would live a hundred years Lil…If I could show you how. I swear to god I won't desert you now…"

"Don't worry…the rain can't hurt me now. This rain will wash away what's passed.I know you will keep me safe and you will keep me close. I'll sleep in your embrace at last. I'll be fine James…the rain that brings you here is heaven blessed." She coughed a little and tried to move. " The skies are clearing and I'll be at rest. I'm just a breath away from where you are. You've given me a home and finally I've come home from so far."  
  


"Shh Lily Shh…Hush-a-bye,Lily. You won't feel any pain."

"Don't fret James, I don't feel any pain, I swear." She gasped at another splinter of glass coming out of her skin. "A little rain can hardly hurt me now."

"Right…don't worry Lil, I'm here."

"That's all I need to know. You'll keep me safe and close right James?"

"I promise to stay here until you are sleeping Lils. And this rain…" Lily's eyes started to flutter again. The blood loss was making her system slow down. She would soon be asleep.

"Will make the flowers…" Her eyes closed involuntarily and she fell over against James' chest. 

"Grow." He said and tears fell from his eyes from seeing her beaten body and hearing her forced voice. He held her in his arms while someone, most likely his mother, was busy trying to finish getting the glass out. He buried his face in her hair and kissed her face over and over until he succumbed to sleep as well.

The rain stopped and the crowd of people dispersed and the glass was gone and all that was left in the moonlit garden was a young woman and a young man asleep in each other's arms.

A/N I know a lot of people were asking for this for a while so here it is! I hope you liked it and if you didn't know there was a song in there…it might not be that obvious if you haven't seen Les Mis but it's there. So disclaimers for the Les Mis song and of course the characters. If I owned them I would sure as hell NOT be writing this story…I tell ya that! Anyways, please review…bad or good, doesn't matter…I don't mind flamed really…lets me know what to work on. Anyways…thanks for reading.

KaCcEe


	4. I Miss You

I Miss You

_.:Hello there, the angel from my nightmare  
The shadow in the background of the morgue  
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley_

_We can live like Jack and Sally if we want:._

It had been three days, three hellish days for James. Not long after he fell asleep in the garden with the wounded Lily in his arms, the parahealers arrived. They took her away from him. She was sent to St. Mungos and he knew she would get the best treatment other than perhaps Hogwarts. But he missed her. He sat alone in his room, pretending to read a book in case anyone should disturb him.

"Prongs?" He heard Sirius' voice come from the doorway. He didn't answer. Three pairs of feet padded along the hardwood floor into the room.

"God man, you'd think you're in love with her." Remus' voice sounded so far away and James looked up at his three friends.

"Merlin." Sirius said looking into James' hazel eyes.

"You are in love with her." Peter finished Sirius' thought. James looked at his feet.

"James…it's okay." Sirius offered. James only shook his head.

"That's what everyone's been telling me…but how can it be okay? Look, I don't know what it is about this girl but everyone's out to get her. First off she was out to get herself and just when that changes, everyone else wants her. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I don't know what she's doing to me." He put his face in his hands and grabbed his hair in frustration. "She's just so magical. And don't you dare laugh Sirius."

"I wasn't going to."

"Yea James, we understand what you mean." Peter piped up, smiling his mousy smile at his best friend.

"Its not only you she's had an effect on mate." Remus smiled too. "We all love her…maybe just in a different way than you do. Why don't we go visit her?" Sirius and Peter agreed, but James was hesitant. He knew why Lucius Malfoy had gone after Lily…it was his fault. It was always his fault.

.:Where you can always find me  
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas  
And in the night we'll wish this never ends  
We'll wish this never ends:.

He had seen her like this too many times. Her red hair splayed across the white pillow, her skin pale and her green eyes shinning eerily in her gaunt face. She smiled as the four boys sat around her. St Mungos was a nice hospital, but as far as James was concerned…it was still a hospital.

"What trouble have you boys gotten yourselves into without me?" She said quietly. "Or…what have you got planned for me when I get out of this god forsaken place."

"Oh Lily, its not that bad here. Three meals a day, who would complain about that?"

"Only you would think about the food Sirius." she shot back. He grinned and she laughed.

"When do you get out of here?" Remus asked, grabbing her hand carefully as she was still attached to a form of IV.

"Gilmore, my main healer, is saying that I should be ready to go sometime tomorrow or the day after. It's a shame that our Easter hols are almost over though."__

"You're telling me!!" Peter said, his eyes shinning " We've got so much to buy before we go back to school. We've really gotta get Filch going."

"Sounds like a good plan Wormtail." Sirius said, smiling as well. "And we've also gotta get Lils ready to be an animagus! So she can come join our monthly romps."

"I'd like that." Lily said. She yawned and sighed, her eyes fluttered closed and she opened them quickly, but the boys had seen.

"Don't worry, we'll come back to see you tomorrow…get some rest now." Remus said, patting the back of the hand he was still holding.

"Thanks you guys, I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Bye Lils." They all said as they left her to sleep.

Once out of the room, they were all quiet. James sighed as they walked down the stairs to the entrance of the hospital.

"Well that was fun." He said sarcastically.

"Merlin, could you have been any more morbid Prongs?" Remus said, smacking his friend over the back of the head.

"I could have if I wanted to." James said sticking his tongue out.

"She needs a friend right now, and you were so bloody quiet…I don't even know if she realized you were there you prick." Sirius too, smacking James upside the head.

"Shut up you bloody idiots…you don't understand." James walked through the exit and kept walking quietly down the street. The other three glanced at each other and silently followed.

_.:I miss you, I miss you_

I miss you, I miss you:. 

It was midnight. The house was dark and still. James stepped gingerly across the kitchen to the French doors that lead to the backyard. He wasn't going to sit around waiting for someone to kill Lily…he was going to go as far away from her as possible. He had a bag packed and thrown over his shoulder. His compass for his broom was in his hand and his pocket was full of all the gold he had…he was leaving.

James thought the boys slept in their rooms in the house, unaware that he was leaving. Peter snored loudly and Remus muttered in his sleep. Sirius however, was wide-awake and listening at the door. He wasn't going to let James leave by himself. He would go with him. He grabbed his bag and quietly followed James as he left the house.

Remus sat up in his bed once Sirius had closed the door. His bag was under his pillow and he was fully dressed. He got up quickly and quietly and he followed Sirius out the door. There was no way that he was going to let his friends leave without him.

"So leaving without me eh Jamesie?" Sirius said into James' ear.

"I'd never dream of it Sirius."

"But you'd leave me right?" Remus stepped out of the shadows towards his friends.

"No…of course not." James said, but Sirius stared at Remus in shock.

"Shut your mouth Padfoot, I did it the same way you did. I'm just surprised that Wormtail didn't follow me." They all stood still listening for the littlest of the group, but no sound came. "Oh well…he can be quite the idiot, can he not?" The other two smiled in agreement.

"We can't all go." James said at once. "Lily's got to have someone here when she gets back."

"Why are we going anyways?" Sirius asked his head cocked to one side and his hands fidgeting with his broom. Remus sighed, exasperated.

"Sometimes you are bloody daft Padfoot. The reason Lily's in the hospital now, is because of James. No offence James."

"Oh, none taken."

"Lucius Malfoy did that to her, to get to James. Voldemort's on the rise and we know that James is a target…we just don't know why James is a target."

"I've got to go guys." James said quietly. "Stay here, with Lily…tell her that…oh god don't tell her anything."

"She deserves to know Prongs." Sirius whispered.

"Tell her I'll be back, all she has to do is call"

.:Where are you and I'm so sorry  
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight  
I need somebody and always  
This sick strange darkness  
Comes creeping on so haunting every time:.

She was back at Hogwarts. They all were. They had been for a week…a fucking week. She silently looked out the window into the darkness. Why did she think he was going to come back…she didn't know. What reason did he have to come back? Remus had told her she just needed to call. But she wouldn't do it. Not yet.

"And really bad eggs…umm…and reeeeeeeeeeally bad eggs!!! What's the next line Moony?" Sirius, Remus and Peter jumped into the common room.

"Drink up me hardies yo-ho." Lily said smiling at the boys. They held their little bag of tricks.

"It is time, mah dearest Lilykins." Sirius said into her right ear.

"That you become a full-fledged, never give up…" Peter said in her right

"Take no prisoners, don't stop 'til you drop…" Remus said to her face.

"Marauder." They all whispered.  She grinned despite her sadness.

"Really?! Oh guys!!! This is so exciting!" She jumped up and down and they all joined in her rejoicing. Remus pulled an old folded bit of parchment out of his pocket.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He said as he tapped it with his wand. Ignoring what the parchment said, he opened it to show the map.

"Looks like we could use the Room of Requirement." Sirius said pointing to a small square on the map.

"Nah, Professor Jones is circling around there." Peter said, pointing out a name.

"I would say the Shrieking Shack, but it's too hard to get there when we only have two animals." Remus said glumly.

"What about the astronomy tower?" Lily said, pointing to the empty space. There weren't any teachers anywhere NEAR there.

"Good eye Lils." Remus said patting her on the back. "Lets go." They slowly walked out of the tower, glancing at the map every so often, checking for staff…or Mrs Norris.

"It would be so much easier if we had James and his cloak here." Peter said absentmindedly but opened his eyes wide as he noticed Lily's expression.

"You're not sleeping, are you Lily?" Remus said quietly, mentioning the bags under her eyes for the first time. She shook her head.

"I wonder where he is right now." Peter said.

"Wherever he is, he's fine." Said Sirius stubbornly. "There's no way that James Harold Potter is not okay." Remus looked at Sirius and sighed. He glanced back at Lily and noticed her tear filled eyes.

"Why don't you just call him?"

"I can't Remus…I just can't." Remus opened his mouth to ask why. "And don't ask because I won't answer you." He shut his mouth and grabbed her hand.

"Lets get to the tower."

.:And as I stared I counted  
The Webs from all the spiders  
Catching things and eating their insides:.

They stood atop the tower with the potion in the middle of their circle.

"You ready Lily?" Sirius asked, facing her. "Because there's no turning back once you take this…you know that right?"

"I know." She said quietly. "I'm ready." She took a step into the middle and the boys circled around her. She grabbed the potion and quickly chugged it back. She threw the glass to the ground and it smashed, just as she herself fell to the ground.

The boys stood hand in hand around her as she struggled on the cobblestone floor. Remus went to grab her but Sirius held him back.

"Don't you dare touch her Remus, you know just as fucking well as I do what it'll do to her." He stood back, holding onto the other two boys' hands. He watched silently frustrated at not being able to comfort her. She looked possessed. Her body writhed around on the ground between them. The glass from the goblet she had thrown to the ground was cutting her skin and she let out a cry.

"Sirius, we have to do something."

"We cannot do anything, just wait." The boys watched as her body started to change form. Her body got smaller and her skin changed to red fur and before they knew it. She was lying there panting, in her fox form. The boys smiled at each other and let go of their hands. She was an animagus.

.:Like indecision to call you  
and hear your voice of treason  
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight  
Stop this pain tonight:.

It had been a long night. Lily collapsed in her bed once they had returned from the astronomy tower. She was tired and yet she could not sleep. She hadn't slept since the last time she saw James. She needed him there. She wanted to call him.

'I can't call him' she thought to herself. 'He left on his own accord…he's the one who wanted to leave. Why would he come back because of me? But he did tell me to call if I wanted him back…oh god why is this so messed up.' She closed her eyes and let the hot tears roll down her cheeks. She missed him.

"I know you can't hear me James," she said quietly to herself. "But I miss you…I need you here James. Come back…I miss you"

_.:Don't waste your time on me you're already  
The voice inside my head _

I miss you miss you 

_Don't waste your time on me you're already  
The voice inside my head _

I miss you miss you:. 

James woke up suddenly. His back hurt and he hit his head on a branch as he sat up quickly under the low tree that he was sleeping under. He could swear he heard Lily's voice. He closed his eyes again and focused on her and he heard he whisper, almost as if she were next to him. "I miss you." He grabbed his bag and his broom. That was all he needed.

.:I miss you miss you miss you  
I miss you miss you miss you

I miss you miss you miss you  
I miss you miss you miss you  
I miss you miss you:.

A/N Hallo folks! And there you have it GOD you don't know how long it took me to do that (okay you do…its been a year…I know) but yes, I KNOW it seemed like I abandoned the story but I so did not! I just didn't know what to write. So if you have anything that you want to see happen, other than Lily and James to get together (jeeze, that can't get a break, can they?) just tell me! I'm willing to listen to what you guys want. Now don't go thinking that I'm abandoning this again. I'm going away for the summer so there won't be any updates until September but I hope you liked this one…I know it was long. AAAAAAAAAAAnyways, reviews would be terrific, I hope this was worth the wait (I know it wasn't, but I can be delusional). Have great summers!!! The song was Blink 182 and everything that's not mine…I don't own (JKR's most likely) ciao!!!

_KaCcEe_


	5. ICU

ICU

I hate hospitals.

I stood next to the window and looked at the lights of London. I needed to hear the facts.

"This isn't exactly what I had planned." He said weakly, looking over at me. I quietly walked to his bedside and looked down at him. My eyes were full of tears and my cheeks were red from holding back sobs. I was a wreck and I knew it.

"What happened James?" He blinked slowly…too slowly. He was fading. James had seen me in hospitals a couple times but it had never been like this. It was never to the point of no hope. And they told me there was almost no hope. He started to talk.

A few minutes later I sat in the chair in his room, thinking of everything he had just told me. I looked out the window onto the night as he started to sleep. It came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time. You decide what you think should happen…but just because it's what you want, doesn't mean it's what you'll get. I couldn't believe it. I was sitting here staring at my shoes in the ICU in the St Thomas hospital in London. For once I was the one worried, the one waiting for James. I couldn't stand it.

It smelled like hospital…piss and cleaning supplies. Hospitals are ironic. Things look too clean, but smell horribly dirty. And the food could kill you faster than your maladies. I was in a place reserved to say goodbye.

I was rationing my breaths and talking quietly to myself as I sat in that uncomfortable square chair.

"You're alright Lily. You've just taken in too much today; everything's going to be alright."

I glanced over at all the screen James was hooked up to. Each descending peak on the LCD was taking him further away from me. I stood up; I couldn't look at him anymore.

I walked into the waiting room and saw the faces of others who were obviously feeling the same as I was. Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines, I realized how much it hurt me that all I would have left of him were memories.

"But it was better to have him while he was here, than it would've been to never have him at all." I muttered quietly to myself. "I'm going crazy."

An older man sat across from me. He had thinning grey hair and wrinkles on his face. He held and hat in his lap and looked at the floor sadly. I glanced quickly around the room and saw that everyone was looking at the floor. The sitters on the chairs, the pacers on their feet, even the leaners on the walls were all staring at the floor. The TV was on for no reason, it was just entertaining itself.

I looked up at the old man again.

"There's no comfort in the waiting room." He said to me attempting a smile. I smiled back.

"It's just nervous people waiting for bad news." I stood up and sat down beside him. "Lily." I stuck my hand out. He took it and shook it gently.

"Charles."

"Nice to meet you Charles, although, the circumstances are not ideal."

"Not at all my girl…" His voice trailed off and he looked from me down at the floor again. "If you don't mind my asking…why are you here?" I furrowed my brow for a second and looked at the man beside me.

"It's a long story."

"I'm not going anywhere." Just then, the nurse walked in and everyone lifted their heads. She grabbed two middle-aged brothers and walked them out of the room.

"Alright." I started telling Charles my story: the attempted suicide, James, the Marauders. Of course I skipped the part about how all the players were witches and wizards. And I got to last May…when I called James to come back.

"I didn't really understand completely why he left. I felt a little betrayed, and almost like I wasn't good enough." Charles nodded, his eyes not leaving my face for the floor anymore.

"And he came back."

"Yes…he did."

……………………………………………………………

It was breakfast and The Marauders (save James) sat at the far end of the Gryffindor table. Lily had just become an animagus and the real test would be the next full moon.

"Oh Lils, you won't believe how much fun it is romping around, being animals." Sirius whispered excitedly. "We communicate so well with Remus in his…special state. Peter can dodge things easily and quickly stop the willow, I'm big and scary and terrify everything that comes along, and James…" He stopped. "James…"

"James." Lily muttered, looking down at her food.

"James!" Remus shot up from the table and bolted to the doors of the hall. Standing there in ripped clothes, with windblown hair, bruises, broken glasses and a lopsided grin on his face was James Potter.

Peter and Sirius quickly followed Remus, but Lily was dumbfounded. She had quietly told the wind that she missed him last night, and he had already returned. She was amazed. He ran over to where she was sitting and sat down beside her on the bench.

"Lily." he said. It wasn't a question, or the beginning of a sentence. It was just her name, and it was the way she had been waiting to hear it said for a month. She grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled his lips to hers.

"I hate you." She said into his lips.

"I know...can you forgive me?" He said back, in-between kisses.

"Maybe if you shut up." She replied.

……………………………………………….

"So you got together in the end?" Charles said a little smile on his face. "That's nice for you dear."

"I'm afraid it wasn't that simple."

……………………………………………………

James' return to Hogwarts had caused him little strife in the areas of friends and girlfriends, but great tribulations in his schoolwork. Being a sixth year he did not have OWLS or NEWTS but he had missed a whole month of classes. Trying to make it up was almost impossible.

But the year finished, everyone doing well (passing in Peter's case) and making plans for the summer.

"I can't go home." Lily said quietly one night in the common room. She was curled up in a chair with James and had just gotten a letter from her mother. "I have been officially kicked out."

"Live with me." He looked over at her.

"Thank you for the offer James, but…"

"I'm serious. Live with me." She shook her head. "I've gotten a job in London and will be staying at my uncle's flat while he's in the states. It's in a muggle part of London, but I'll manage I'm sure. So…stay with me. My parents won't object. The boys will be around loads. It's a great idea."

"James. We've only been together for a short amount of time and I'm…"

"There are two bedrooms." She smiled at him. "Not that we'll need the second or anything." He winked and she hit him playfully.

………………………………………………………

"You moved in with him?" Charles asked, obviously a little surprised.

"Yes."

"How old are you?"

"16. James turned 17 on July 13th."

"And you're living together? Called me old fashioned but…"

"No, it's not like that. My mother is a horror, and hates me, so she kicked me out. If James and I were still just friends he would've asked me to stay with him anyways."

"Alright, I understand. But now you need to explain why you're HERE."

"I was getting to that." I said, not smiling anymore.

"Two nights ago James and I decided to go to dinner. Since James' uncle had left a car to use once he got his license (the day of his 17th of course) we took advantage of that and chose a restaurant on the other side of town.'

It was a busy night and we were unable to park close by. After a tremendous meal James decided to go get the car. He left me waiting at the restaurant for him. I waited for what seemed like ages. After ten minutes I was worried, but thought maybe he was just around the corner. But after five more minutes."

"You knew something was wrong."

"Yes. I asked the Maitre D if someone would come with me to find James. He was very nice and asked one of the waiters on a break to join me. We walked towards the car and as we walked past this alley, the worst feeling came over me. I looked into the alley and sure enough, there was a crumpled body."

"James."

"Yes. I ran to his side and saw what had happened. He had been mugged. He wasn't carrying a lot of money, and the mugger had gotten mad and beaten him very severely. Or so the doctors tell me. The waiter called an ambulance and we got him here as quickly as we could. But there's internal bleeding and other complications. His parents are in South America and I can't get a hold of them. The boys haven't come yet and this was all I knew how to do." Charles smiled sympathetically.

"So I'm here; Stuck in this rotten hospital waiting to hear if he'll live or die. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit."

"You're a tough young lady Lily Evans."

"Thank you." Just then, the nurse came in again. Heads whipped up from the floor. She slowly started walking towards us.

"Mr. Irwin?" Charles stood up. I grabbed his hand.

"Thank you Charles." He grabbed a piece of paper from his pocket and gave it to me. It had a phone number on it.

"If you ever need someone to talk to." He grabbed his hat, nodded at me and was gone.

I looked back down at my feet again.

I hate hospitals.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

A/N: I'm sorry it took so long. I'll try to get better, but probably won't. It you noticed the song you probably know its Death Cab for Cutie – What Sarah Said, and if you didn't notice it…not a big deal. Hope you enjoyed. (I own little…it's DCfC or JKR)

Kaccee


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